Monday, March 2, 2009

Some things are still in the dark....

March 11
OK, two good days, this being the second.  I think it will be a while before I stop looking at him and wondering just what he's thinking and if it's good or bad.  I know he loves me or he wouldn't have walked away from her.  I think the bottom line is risk.  I'm afraid to risk being hurt again.  What is life without risk?  I think our relationship is better.  We fight but we resolve the issue and we couldn't do that before.  I was too stubborn, he was always right.  I need to get over my fear and drop the hang up.  I was hurt but I can get past that, right?  He has to live the rest of his life knowing what he did.  Guilt can sometimes be harder.  That's why I don't accuse him.  He still needs to come clean with all the truth. He hasn't done that yet.  A lot of denial still.

Starting to obsess again, about my weight, feeling fat.

March 13
I asked him if he would take some time off when I take my holidays, we've never had holidays together.  Never.  At first he said he couldn't.  I reminded him that he was more than happy to take holidays for her and has never had a holiday with us.  I'm really tired today.  I could fall asleep quite easily.  I wish she would move like she told him she would.  He didn't fall for that one from her.

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