And now, back to Willow Dreams....

April 16

Looking back over time it’s nice to see how the hurt is not as bad anymore.  The really low days have stopped.  It’s only when we have a disagreement that I get really sad lose faith in myself.  He tries hard to make me feel good.  He tells me all the time I’m the cutest mom or wife.  Right now I think my major problem is doubt.  He says he loves me and wants to be here.  My own screwed up head wonders if something better came along would he leave.  He says he wasn’t attracted to her.  She was overweight and offered him to stay there.  So does that mean if she was thinner he would have stayed?  Or did he love me enough to leave still.  I can’t compete with someone who has a few million in the bank.  I’m proud of him.  He is not into revenge.  He’s held his head high through it all.  I wish he could have his Harley.  I wish he didn’t have to work.  I would love a vacation on an island, alone, no one else around.  Get up when we want, sleep and eat when we want.  Nice dream eh.  lol.  I’m sure the novelty would wear off after awhile and boredom would set in.  Most of all I’d like to be away from the negative influences that quite a few of his family exude.