Tuesday, February 10, 2009

What am I doing?

September 1
I have been physically sick with the thought of what has gone on the past six months.  He left this morning, said he was going to work and going to get his clothes from her house.  I keep feeling like he's going to call and say that he would rather be with her, that he doesn't really want to be here that he was only using me.  Now that the truth is out he doesn't need to be afraid of me finding out.  She is a lotto 649 winner, she has the money to buy him anything he wants, she can take him places, I can't offer that at all.

September 2
He came home.  He's really home.  Maybe he really means what he says.  He walked away from the money, a new Harley Davidson she bought him.  But D told me that his dad said she was fat.  He told me he wasn't attracted to her at all and that caused a few things to go wrong in that department.  She apparently didn't do anything physically for him.  That is not the man I know, even a bottle of alcohol wouldn't dampen anything physically for him.  I really hope he couldn't because that is not a vision I want to live with, him with another woman.  Is it possible he's using me though?  Does he really love me, does he really want to be here or does it suit his purpose.  Was he getting tired of her and started sleeping with me again.  I think it would be very easy for me to lose my mind and go crazy right about now.

September 9
He's been home for a week now.  I missed him so much.  I hope he really does mean everything he says.  The kids are happy to have their dad back.  I get nervous when we're apart.  I think he may want someone else and not me.  I love to look at him.

September 11
He said she dropped off clothes, shoes and a watch with his brother.  I felt like he was hiding something all night, he was edgy, sharp, he said that was all and I didn't believe it.  He got mad at me but I kept pushing, I was right there was more.  She wrote a letter and sent pictures.  The letter said if he had any regrets she would be there for him.  He could go back to her, she was waiting.  He ripped up the letter, I put it back together and kept it....it may be needed in the future.  Why is he still telling me lies about her.

September 14
We went out for dinner and a movie for his birthday.  It was nice just the two of us.

September 26
Found out she only changed the bike ownership yesterday out of his name.  I pushed him into contacting her to find out if she did or not.  

September 27
She called to say the insurance wouldn't cancel as he had to contact them and cancel it.  I went into the insurance office and explained the situation told them I was his wife.  The girl there  said no problem and cancelled the insurance for me.  I called her after and told her that they cancelled it for me so she could go ahead and do whatever she wanted now with the bike.  I don't think she was happy to hear from me or hear that they cancelled the insurance for me.....his WIFE!

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