Friday, February 20, 2009

Am I fooling myself?

February 19
The last few days haven't been too good, have they.  It's strange how other people can influence you.  I was upset with his brother for having him pick up his girlfriend and I took it out on him.  Mind you it wouldn't have taken much to get me blubbering.  Luckily he didn't hear me last night crying in bed.  I know a lot of things are bothering me right now and I'm going to have to talk to him before I explode.   I just hope he is able to listen to it all objectively.  So let's ask this question, what has the past taught me, what have I really learned and am I going to make the same mistake again.  I'm really not sure what I've learned.  "Make the most of every moment", "trust yourself", I don't know.

February 20
In one way I'm starting to come out of the dark spot this month.  I'm still really emotional.  The days seem really long.  And the nights seem too short.  Last Saturday he had to work.  On Sunday he slept most of the day on the couch.  It's strange how I'm turning to the person who hurt me for security, love and a sense of belonging.  I bared my soul to him.

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