Wednesday, February 11, 2009

One step forward, two steps back....

October 1
We have hit the one month mark.  Everything has been wonderful.  We're able to talk.  He really does seem happy to be home.  I've been having panic attacks.   I haven't told him though.  I think that if he's not happy he's going to leave.  Sometimes I feel like I can't get close enough.  I'm sleeping better now.  But I do wake up to make sure he's still there.

October 12
We all went to the fair.  It's so nice being a family again.  Everything feels new.

October 15
Form came in the mail questioning the sale of the Harley.  Can't seem to get away from her.

October 16
He has been getting more and more sarcastic with us.  Things came to a head tonight.  We talked, it was good to clear the air and talk about our feelings.

I find this next week to be tough in respect to doubting myself, my abilities, my self-worth.  I look in the mirror and hate what I see.  I wish I could hide.  I don't want people looking at me.  I don't want him to see me naked in case it turns him off.  He doesn't like overweight women, he said she was overweight and it turned him off.  If I get fat he'll leave.  I'm so hungry but I don't want to eat too much and get fat.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Tia

    I have read your blog from the first post to this, actually I read this post and I wanted to read the rest so I went to the beginning, you write really well, although it is non fiction (and I wish you every happiness by the way, whatever way it went for you)it reads like a book. very interesting and I found it very easy to relate to.

    All the best