Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Blind isn't the word...

Our relationship started as I said with a blind date.  When life was good it was heaven.  When it was bad, it was hell.  You're probably asking yourself what made the bad times, probably a bit on both sides.  Okay, yes it was both sides, I'm stubborn, I won't be threatened and I won't take orders.  I march to the beat of my drum.  Plus I had a two year old daughter, no one was  allowed to treat her wrong as far as I was concerned.  He had admitted jealousy regarding the time I spent with her.  That's where the little boy in him came out.  I was an adult student returning to college with a child in a new relationship.  He was a grown man, no children of his own.  Life was not quite settled the way he wanted it to be.  Throw the two together and what have you got....  Somewhere between a volcano and sinking sand. I always felt as though I was on the defense.  After all, I was the one with the child to take care of, make sure she was fed, clothed, had a roof over her head.  I took my responsibility very seriously.  He had only himself to worry about and wanted me available at a moments notice.
After the fights he would go off on his motor bike.  A good idea, certainly one way to calm down.  Fights were never settled though, problems were never discussed.  My feelings never heard.  His common response was to leave and live somewhere else.  During the last separation I felt that this was not the way to continue, he needed to commit or it was over.  Don't groan, here it comes......so we decided to get married.  The ceremony was simple.  His parents, my mom and my brothers who snuck in.  They weren't included but they couldn't stay away either.  None of his siblings had been invited so it put me in a very awkward position when my two brothers showed up. The only thing that stands out about that day was a remark made to my mom,  'I hope it works this time', my mom found the  statement odd, yet looking back to me it makes sense.  The statement came from someone who knew him much better than I did.

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