OK, two good days, this being the second. I think it will be a while before I stop looking at him and wondering just what he's thinking and if it's good or bad. I know he loves me or he wouldn't have walked away from her. I think the bottom line is risk. I'm afraid to risk being hurt again. What is life without risk? I think our relationship is better. We fight but we resolve the issue and we couldn't do that before. I was too stubborn, he was always right. I need to get over my fear and drop the hang up. I was hurt but I can get past that, right? He has to live the rest of his life knowing what he did. Guilt can sometimes be harder. That's why I don't accuse him. He still needs to come clean with all the truth. He hasn't done that yet. A lot of denial still.
March12
Starting to obsess again, about my weight, feeling fat.
March 13
I asked him if he would take some time off when I take my holidays, we've never had holidays together. Never. At first he said he couldn't. I reminded him that he was more than happy to take holidays for her and has never had a holiday with us. I'm really tired today. I could fall asleep quite easily. I wish she would move like she told him she would. He didn't fall for that one from her.
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