Valentines 2009

Happy Valentines to all the young at heart.  My wish for you is that you will always remember what you are feeling at this moment.  The happiness, the joy, free spirit, lighter than air, true love feeling.  Hold on as long as you can and work hard to keep it.  I am at a point where although I am surrounded by many I feel ever so lonely.  Forgotten, taken for granted, not quite as important to remember.  My daughter, who has been away since September with a Katimavik program, came home for the weekend last night.  Her journey took her to British Columbia last September, in January she arrived in Ottawa and her next leg will take her Quebec until June.  It's been very hard having her away.  I wasn't quite ready for the chicks to start leaving the nest.  I found myself depressed at Christmas with the missing component of my family.  It was like having the breath taken from you, it was just not Christmas.  I had her on video cam, but, it was just not the same.  It was great to see her last night.  We picked her up at the Greyhound station in Toronto.  Her 5 hour bus ride turned into a 4 hour ride.  The driver certainly picked up the pace.  She gave Jim and I a box of chocolates to share and the lid was a motorcycle jacket, also she gave me a little angel pin.  Dak is too young yet to really think about Valentines.  I had purchased three tins of chocolate and three hearts filled with chocolate covered strawberries for them.  As well as a card for Jim.  I was a little disappointed that he didn't think about Valentines, nor even wish me a Happy Valentines, this is where feeling lonely while surrounded by many comes in.  I'm trying to have a brighter outlook, trying to not think about it, but, it's difficult.  I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself aren't I.  I feel embarrassed, sad, no anger.  So now is the chore of pretending to be happy, like nothing is wrong, like nothing has happened.  Put a fake smile on, take a breath, lift up my shoulders and try to raise my head.