Sometimes they come back....

January 2

Everyone is asking me what he gave me for Christmas and how he liked the dress I got for the party.  It's the most uncomfortable question, I feel stupid because I don't want to tell them, and I certainly am tired of people feeling sorry for me.

January 6

He seemed better this morning.  I still can't help but feel something is going on.  Before he drove away he came back to the house and kissed me.  Maybe I'm just too paranoid.  I feel sad all the time, fear like a cornered rabbit waiting the the fox to pounce and end it all.

January 7

Feel like I'm on the verge of tears.  Wish he was home.  Need the truth no matter what.  Need it to be over, finished.  I want to go forward.  I'm scared, I feel alone.  Getting more migraines, two a week.

January 8

So far so good today.  Tired but otherwise not teary eyed, happy in fact.

January 18

Found out today that she is going south to Florida with his family.  She keeps appearing just when you think things are fine.  Makes you wonder what they are up to.

January 20

Compared to last year the challenges are much harder this year.  I don't really know if I can get over the fact that he lied and cheated, and that his family still keeps her around.  If he knew that all my mind dwells on when we're in bed is him with her I don't think he'd be happy.  My spirit is broken.  I'd like to run away.  I would really like to be someone else.  Maybe I should not have asked him to come back.  Maybe he should have just stayed with her.