Changes

July 1

He came and took the kids to Paris to see the parade today.

July 3

He said he has a lawyer appointment on Friday.  I'm scared, I miss him, and he tells me he still loves me.  I wish it could be more without having it hurt so much.

Is he trying to scare me into something, says he loves me and then in the same breath he is seeing a lawyer.

July 7

He spent the whole day here.  It was nice.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to go back to the yelling and hurting each other or the kids.

July 9

Received the letter from the lawyer today, wow that was fast, he said he was just going to talk.  It was very fair and honest.  I accepted the offer and faxed back my response.  I cried for a long time after.  I can't sleep at night, can't think straight.  I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up.  It hurts too much.

July 10

He phoned and said he'd be by tomorrow.

July 11

He came by at 7 pm.  I didn't tell him yet I got the letter and I sent my reply.

July 14

He took D to a movie.  After we all went mini golfing and had dinner out.  I showed him the letter I received from the lawyer.  He wasn't happy.  He said he didn't approve it to be sent.  He was also shocked I replied so quickly.

July 17

It seems like we're attempting to reconcile.

July 21

We all went to the zoo.  D was stung by a wasp near the eye.  We held hands all day, even bought a family membership to the zoo.   Is he coming back, what's going on?  I asked him in the truck jokingly if he had a girlfriend yet or something and he said no.  Something still doesn't seem right, he's getting a lot of new stuff and the places he's been going.  Doesn't make sense.

July 22

I've been very emotional today.  I do love him very much and miss him.  We met at 6 pm for coffee.

July 23

He came and picked up D in the dump truck.  Came back and had dinner with us after work.

July 24

Came by tonight, said he's going to stay late.  That's odd, he never will stay late, says he has to get home.  I'm confused, I don't know what to do, what I want.

He stayed and I lost it emotionally.  We talked a little, nothing is resolved.  I told him it was all or nothing, something is going on, he's holding back.  Said he'd call tomorrow, it was nice to have the person I love holding me.

July 25

He didn't call.  I'm glad I didn't give in.  I guess there was only one thing he wanted last night.  How could I have been so stupid to think maybe he really does love me.  I'm glad nothing happened.