The Beginning

Sometimes the beginning is where you need to go back to in order to understand what is going on today, so that's what we shall do.....go back to the beginning.

You enter this world a small, defenseless infant, looking to others for warmth, love and support.  As you grow the world becomes larger, more mysterious and exciting.  Still you look for love.  From the moment you were born there seemed only to be one purpose, to find someone to love and have them love you in return.  A fairy tale ending...life is not a fairy tale.  It is a mystery, a thriller, a comedy.  It is a journey that will take you to the pits of hell and the heights of heaven.  Somewhere in the middle there will be moments of sanity, normalcy, perhaps even an instant of thinking you've figured it out.  But have you?

The search to find someone who makes you feel wonderful, whether you've just woke up or you're dressed to the nines, at times it feels heart wrenching.  Are they out there?  Do they exist?  Could there be someone who would make you feel young at heart, not a care in the world...could there be?  Could you be so lonely to allow someone to walk all over you, take advantage, break your heart?  Yes, they are out there.  And yes, your heart will be broken many times.  And yes, you will allow someone to walk all over you.  But it won't last forever and you may just learn a thing or two.

This blog is about a journey.  A journey to hell, heaven and finding that fairy tale endings do exist, or do they?

It was not my intention to find a fairy tale ending.  I felt that all I needed was to remove my children and myself from the atmosphere of anger, resentment, humiliation and degradation.  I prayed to God daily to help make the right choices.  I sent emails to Christian programs on TV asking for prayer for my family.  Sometimes miracles do happen.  Sometimes they don't.  God chooses to work those miracles in the way he sees fit.  Sometimes he even gives us what we didn't know we wanted.  If I had been in charge of the master plan I know I wouldn't have organized it the way he did.  But, God does have his reasons.  Looking back, I see that now.  As for the fairy tale ending, not what I had planned, but, what I found out I really wanted.